Mayonnaise as an addiction

kurtbatdorf · **Joined:** Mon Dec 16, 2002 1:01 am **Posts:** 12

The smoking habit grabs a person like mayonnaise.
I can’t, absolutely can’t, give up mayonnaise. I bet it’s sort of the same craving as wanting to pour smoke down your throat. My day isn’t complete without mayonnaise smeared on a cracker. As a fat person, I am at risk for cancer and heart disease.These words come from one of our columnists, who this week is decrying a nearby county's ban on smoking in taverns. I've been sitting on that first sentence now for 20 minutes, trying to grasp its importance, its meaning, almost hoping to be struck down dead so I don't have to finish reading this biweekly drivel. Four of my co-workers have also struggled with it, after the guffaws ended. Still, this may be the first time that anyone has made a connection between mayonnaise, the tasty condiment, and cigarette smoke, the hazy carcinogen.

majorbabs · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2003 6:00 pm

I've found that just dipping the leftover turkey into the mayonnaise, instead of making those time-consuming sandwiches with bread (loaded with evil carbs, as we all know) is perfectly all right. Because, after all, isn't it the mayonnaise that makes it tasty?

Bumfketeer · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2003 6:51 pm

I tried to read that excerpt a few times and gave up. That's exactly the type of "read-me, must-have" prose you want from a columnist.

kurtbatdorf · **Joined:** Mon Dec 16, 2002 1:01 am **Posts:** 12

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Bumfketeer:
I tried to read that excerpt a few times and gave up. That's exactly the type of "read-me, must-have" prose you want from a columnist.<hr></blockquote>I do? I'm pretty sure I neither need nor want this columnist to grab me like mayonnaise.

Bumfketeer · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2003 8:51 pm

I just read that excerpt again. It's striking in its abject awfulness.

Jackie · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2003 9:12 pm

Can you smoke mayonnaise?
(i hate quitting smoking, it does ever so suck.)

RimRat · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2003 10:01 pm

Can you smoke mayonnaiseGood question: A mayo high could be kind of interesting, sort of like a moonpie high. I tried banana peels in the 60s with minimal effect. Other assorted things worked better.Is this columnist friends with the guy in Naples?[ December 08, 2003: Message edited by: RimRat ]

kurtbatdorf · **Joined:** Mon Dec 16, 2002 1:01 am **Posts:** 12

I'm afraid the Naples guy might become her inspiration, if she ever reads that godawful rap column he wrote. She'd think it was a good idea.

wordygurdy · **Posted:** Tue Dec 09, 2003 3:07 pm

So, kbatdorf, did the column run as you excerpted it here? Just curious if you are allowed to change a columnist's words or if you have to maintain his or her "voice."

Testy Copy Editors

Mayonnaise as an addiction

Who is online

What They're Saying

Useful Links