Painfully extended metaphors

jjmoney62 · **Posted:** Sat Feb 14, 2009 9:49 pm

This is a serious inquiry.

Does anyone have a good tonic for a young writer who can't stop using extended metaphors, some of which last the whole story? It's a sportswriter. I'm having trouble being diplomatic about this or finding an argument better than, "It's just not done."

Private PMs are OK.

Wayne Countryman · **Posted:** Sun Feb 15, 2009 2:51 am

I can think of three reasons to use extended metaphors:
1. To entice the reader to continue reading.
2. To further illuminate the topic.
3. To show off.

No. 1 requires that most, and preferably all, readers have the time, interest and inclination to contemplate the subject.
No. 2 requires that the metaphor be appropriate to the subject and written well without being a distraction.
No. 3 requires that the writer be more important than the subject.

If all three conditions are met, then I don't see what's wrong with using an extended metaphor.

Capo di tutti copy · **Posted:** Sun Feb 15, 2009 9:10 am

In journalism, metaphors tend to be most effective when the writer hits them once, giving the reader a fresh and arresting image, and then moves on. Extending metaphors runs risks.

One is that the extended metaphor turns into allegory, and the subject has to be strained to fit the metaphor. (If you remember the opening of "Start the Revolutin Without me": France! 1789! The fire of oppression was heating the kettle of poverty until the soup of resentment boiled over in revolution and stained the kitchen floor of history. Or something like that.)

Another is that the extended metaphor will become predictable and tiresome as the article continues; the article becomes monochromatic.

And third, as Mr. Countryman aptly observes, it is the kind of writing that calls more attention to the writer than the subject. It's fair to ask which is more important.

Editer · **Posted:** Sun Feb 15, 2009 2:32 pm

One risks sounding like The Tick:

Quote:

Arthur! Listen to me carefully! I believe in you! I always have! That's why I'm here! Destiny dressed you this morning, my friend, and now fear is trying to pull off your pants! If you give up -- if you give in -- then you're gonna end up naked with fear just standing there laughing at your dangling unmentionables!

Quote:

City! City! I am The Tick! And you have melted my heart! From this day forth, I will spread my buttery justice over your every nook and cranny! Hear me, O City! My City! Your toast will never go bare again!

Recite a couple of these out loud and you may never see an extended metaphor again.

I could go on and on ... But time's a-wasting and evil's out there making hand-crafted mischief for the swap meet of villainy. And you can't strike a good deal with evil. No matter how much you haggle. We don't need to look for a bargain; goodness is cheap because it's free, and free is as cheap as it gets.

jjmoney62 · **Posted:** Sun Feb 15, 2009 5:18 pm

Very helpful, all.
Thanks. Wish me luck.

Bumfketeer · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:33 am

The prior answers are excellent. I will submit my usual answer to any question, which is "It's just not done." This and the lack of college will probably prevent me from going into teaching.

Capo di tutti copy · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2009 10:24 am

Also, this: Find an example of egregious overwriting by some other reporter, and discuss it. In my workshops on metaphoric excess, I've discovered that writers are invariably harsh in their critcism of faults in other people's work to which they are blind in their own.

onceahack · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:20 pm

Believe it or not, there's a technical term for this kind of writing: "inconsiderate." (As in "of the audience.") After all, except in the cases cited by Wayne, an extended metaphor forces the reader to continually filter out the false story line and resynthesize the actual story line. As a journalist, your sportswriter should be doing that work for the readers, not adding to their burden.

Capo di tutti copy · **Posted:** Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:04 am

I've expanded a little on my reply at the blog:

http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/news/mc ... d_you.html

onceahack · **Posted:** Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:09 am

Well stated, John. I think I was at that wedding.

JJ, were you able to get through to your sportswriter?

jjmoney62 · **Posted:** Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:14 am

I plan to present him with this wisdom next week. We'll see.
Thanks again for all the input.

Testy Copy Editors © 1992-2010

Painfully extended metaphors

Who is online

What They're Saying

Useful Links