Only slightly off-topic

Phillip Blanchard · **Posted:** Tue Jan 14, 2003 1:54 am

Dear Harriette [Cole]: I got married about 15 years ago, but the marriage didn't work out, and we broke up on bad terms. We both did hurtful things to each other. Anyhow, even though time has passed and both of us have remarried, I continue to feel bad about how I treated him. Is it too late to make amends?-- Ann, Washington, D.C.Ann: It's never too late to say you're sorry. I know that sounds cliche, but it's really true. The fact that you have continued to feel guilt about what transpired years ago means that you should address it. What's more, there's a good chance that your ex-husband may be harboring remnant feelings of hurt, remorse or anger.Why not start off the year by communicating with him -- either in person or through a letter? (United Feature Syndicate)***Wait. Are you NUTS?***

Emily Salmon · **Joined:** Sat Nov 16, 2002 1:01 am **Posts:** 86

What's wrong with that?
She may need to get it off her chest more than her ex-hubby may need to hear it.
Besides, she doesn't say how long ago they divorced.The real question is, why are blanp and I up in the early hours posting these things?
I have an excuse: I'm already unemployed, going through money rapidly, and my country's about to go to war.Your excuse, blanp?

Rio · **Posted:** Tue Jan 14, 2003 2:49 pm

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Emily Salmon:
What's wrong with that?
She may need to get it off her chest more than her ex-hubby may need to hear it.
Besides, she doesn't say how long ago they divorced.<hr></blockquote>Emily, take it from someone who's in his second marriage: No wife would be happy to hear that her husband has a sudden need to write or meet his ex because he feels guilty about how the previous marriage ended.Writing, maybe. As long as you tell your current wife what you're doing, and why. No need to have her surprised when the ex writes back or calls.But meeting? This is indeed nutty advice.Just put it in print, get it off your chest, and move on.

Phillip Blanchard · **Posted:** Tue Jan 14, 2003 4:07 pm

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Emily Salmon:

Your excuse, blanp?<hr></blockquote>I stay up all night and sleep all day. This makes me "fresh" for work at 4 p.m. Of course the ex-husband is "harboring remnant feelings of hurt, remorse or anger." That's what happens when you divorce. The last thing a remarried man wants is to get a call or a letter from his ex-wife. Trust me on this.

Emily Salmon · **Joined:** Sat Nov 16, 2002 1:01 am **Posts:** 86

Heck, I'm learning as much about relationships here as about copy editing! Who would have known. Not that, the way things are going, I'll have any use for either. (self-pitying sob, violins, and cut to commercial)

pzicari · **Posted:** Tue Jan 14, 2003 11:35 pm

Emily, you should check out a thread on the ACES board about copy editing and relationships -- it was last fall sometime, you'll have to scroll back a ways. The general tenor of that 'un was editors who don't marry each other are doomed to a life of frustration, because of the schedule. Doesn't always work that way, of course.My favorite advice-column story was about a free-lance adviser whose stuff I handled long ago; she advised a woman bedeviled by her last relationship to make a ceremony of wiping it out, including ceremonially burning some memento of the ex. What the column didn't suggest was that the ceremony be held somewhere fireproof...

Bumfketeer · **Posted:** Wed Jan 15, 2003 12:13 am

Hey, why not? My ex-wife and I communicated again after 10 years of being out of touch. We figured it would be a good way to air grievances and clear the air.The result: We married each other again.Maybe I should write one of these jackass relationship columns.

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